Dear Diary,
It's my first time here in the morning. I have decided last night that I want to change! I would like to start pursuing my dream again after my 2 months off. So, this is my daily plan starting today:
1. Get up from bed by 9am the latest.
2. Read Bible every morning
3. Exercise
4. Look for job
5. Study for my exam
6. Do some house chores
7. Some refreshing (only after 9pm and 1 hr max during the day)
8. Read books, instead of facebook-ing
9. Pray, instead of wondering around or watching dramas
I might add more later, but those are the main things that I have to keep up with for now.
Gan-ba-te!! :)
Brother, I love you
Friday, May 15, 2009
Dear Diary,
It's now 12:45am. It's supposedly time for me to sleep, but this hard feeling has been bothering me so much today. I am so irritated recently by my brother's action and words. When I am down and need his support (since he's the only family I have here), he seems to be looking down on me; when I try to express my feeling and thoughts, he never really cares or even becomes judgmental; when I am sad, instead of comforts, there are only blames that I get from him. I don't even know what the problem is. Is it me? or is it him?
When I was in grade school, I used to be proud of my elder brother. I used to think that he was a brother who would protect me and be by my side whenever troubles came to me. But ever since I started to live with him alone, that "great" image of a brother had gradually faded away, and became worst when he started using violence every single time we argued. This feeling has brought a negative impact on me, which completely changed my behavior towards him as well; the way I speak and act to him have become loud and rude. Is it a revenge? an adaptation? or am I just trying to be self protective? Even though our relationship had got better since I moved out and got a job, I still couldn't respect him as I used to. What should I do? I really want to stop being rebellious, especially now that he's getting married. But it's never been easy for me to live and deal with him.
Although I'm really fed up with him and can't wait till he got married, it certainly will be lonely without having him around.
*Brother, hope you forgive me for always being discourteous. My prayer for you that you will always be happy and successful in your life. I love you!
It's now 12:45am. It's supposedly time for me to sleep, but this hard feeling has been bothering me so much today. I am so irritated recently by my brother's action and words. When I am down and need his support (since he's the only family I have here), he seems to be looking down on me; when I try to express my feeling and thoughts, he never really cares or even becomes judgmental; when I am sad, instead of comforts, there are only blames that I get from him. I don't even know what the problem is. Is it me? or is it him?
When I was in grade school, I used to be proud of my elder brother. I used to think that he was a brother who would protect me and be by my side whenever troubles came to me. But ever since I started to live with him alone, that "great" image of a brother had gradually faded away, and became worst when he started using violence every single time we argued. This feeling has brought a negative impact on me, which completely changed my behavior towards him as well; the way I speak and act to him have become loud and rude. Is it a revenge? an adaptation? or am I just trying to be self protective? Even though our relationship had got better since I moved out and got a job, I still couldn't respect him as I used to. What should I do? I really want to stop being rebellious, especially now that he's getting married. But it's never been easy for me to live and deal with him.
Although I'm really fed up with him and can't wait till he got married, it certainly will be lonely without having him around.
*Brother, hope you forgive me for always being discourteous. My prayer for you that you will always be happy and successful in your life. I love you!
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