Blog Challenge - Behind My Blog Name

There were several times I changed my blog name. I couldn't remember exactly what the previous names were. I only know that the name somehow reflects my purpose of this blog. I want it to be where I can reflect to myself that I may learn from my own experiences, besides to keep memories.

But why "a life of a vapor"? Because I am just a tiny human being, with very little capabilities, and only knowing how to survive each day, with no power to control tomorrow. Tho many said to me that one's future is in his/her own hand, but I believe there is "a greater hand" that controls me. For everything I have, such as these hands, are just merely gracious gifts given to me. And one day will all be taken back to the ultimate Creator.

So what is the purpose of my life? What do I want in this life? I honestly don't know. I certainly had thought of being successful in every single aspect of life, happy, making my parents proud of me, and not forgetting to be rich like so and so, with all the fame and glory. All these selfish desires and evil passions you can name, are in me, which certainly have driven me far, far away from the Truth. Until one day when I felt so hopeless, for all things were quite the opposite of my dreams. I lost my job that I was so proud of, and could not find any other similarly one. My bank account was left with only $1.66. I had no boyfriend. On top of that, my whole family was being "given" a lesson of "love". I felt like a total failure. I then started to look for any kind of job, including janitor. And I found a job at a small fast food restaurant.... cleaning garbage can. I deeply thank God, it was better than I was hoping for. I began to see that work is actually about serving others, not to be served... and that to love is to give up ourselves for others. Yes, I am that slow to understand these.

At this point, I started to realize that life is more than what I had ever thought, tho it is just a vapor.

"Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes." (James 4:14)

Blog Challenge - What Fires Me Up

I am honestly not a patience person. So this topic should be a super easy one. Therefore, just a heads-up, that this post could be as long as an article... with full of complains!! :p

Ironically, I found out about this after I got married. I am so easily irritated by little things, esp. when I am tired. I remember I got extremely mad at my husband once, over $5 chicken wings that he bought for our lunch, while I was thinking to just eat our leftovers at home, which were almost none. :( I am also annoyed by him for always forgetting to wash his hands when he comes home. I literally still have to remind him almost everyday to wash his hands once he enters the house, and before he touches anything. You will understand why I am that paranoid if you see how dirty subways are in NYC. I constantly have to use handsanitizer when I am outside.

However, in most cases, I often get irritated at work. Obviously, it is because I spend more time at work than home. Also, in my line of work, where there is no clear lines of who does what, between my colleagues who are in the same position as me. Especially in emergency cases, which happen quite often. When I just started this job, I often came home crying, besides feeling exhausted, and complaining to my husband (a.k.a curhat, if u know what it means). Because my job requires not only lots of physical work - I mean, I have to be on my feet 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, and not rarely when I get mandated I have to work 16 hours straight, running around here and there in very fast pace environment. And multitasking more than 2 or 3 things at once has to be done every minute, with no mistake is acceptable, for it will cause great danger to others. Besides that, I have to also deal with many ignorant / lazy coworkers, who don't care much about their jobs, and just prefer to chitchat, play with their phones, or even sometimes disappear when needed. So often times, jobs that should be done by 3 people have to be handled individually. On top of all these pressures, recognition or help from management team was something that couldn't be expected at all. For I ended up being given more responsibilities than all my other coworkers. 

When I came home from work, I used to sit at my dining table for hours, staring at an empty wall. And when I was going to work, I felt I was going to an execution place. Yet, I could not quit, for there was no other job offered to me. However, I thank God, He kept encouraging me thru His words, for His words are the one that gives my strength to go thru each day.

Dear friends, do not be surprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the sufferings of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed when his glory is revealed. If you are insulted because of the name of Christ, you are blessed, for the Spirit of glory and of God rests on you. If you suffer, if should not be as a murderer or a thief or any other kind of criminal, or even as a meddler. However, if you suffer as a Christian, do not be ashamed, but praise God that you bear that name. For it is time for judgement to begin with us, what will the outcome be for those who do not obey the gospel of God?And, if it is hard for the righteous to be saved, what will become of the ungodly and the sinner? So then, those who suffer according to God's will should commit themselves to their faithful Creator and continue to do good. - 1Peter 4:12-19

Soli Deo Gloria 

Blog Challenge - My Story - Our First Home

After reading Caroline's blog about blog challenge, I realize I have to start myself, too. This blog truly has been abandoned for way too long. Tho I can't promise myself (or should I?) to keep up writing, since my schedule is quite packed with works, esp. now that my husband and I just bought a house in New Jersey, and the commute time to work takes longer than before. It takes about 1 1/2 to 2 hours each way, so about 3 to 4 hours a day. And because I have a very bad motion sickness, I can't do much on the train either, e.g. reading or typing,  just listening to my Spotify, and napping.

 I certainly can't do everyday, but I have to try to post each week, choosing a topic randomly from this list.

So, since I mentioned about our new house, I might as well start my story this year with it. 

We bought our house in November 2018, as a first time home owner. When we got married in 2012, because of our financial situation, we were only able to afford living in a studio in a basement in the Bronx, owned by someone we knew from our church. She graciously let us stay there with a very low rent. Until 2017, when her granddaughter came to New York, and wanted to stay there, we then found a new slightly bigger place (and of course money, too! :)) in Brooklyn. Moving was not something I really enjoyed doing. Ever since I came to the US, about 20 years ago, I had moved from one borough to another, around the metropolitan area, Long Island, and New Jersey .... probably about 10 times. But, living in the Bronx was the longest. 

Ever since we moved to Brooklyn, where we had to pay rent twice as much, I knew we had to start looking to buy a house soon. However, my husband just graduated that time, and started working full time only for a month. I was told it took about 2 years or more after we both started working full time to be able to get a mortgage approval. So, I could only pray, save a little at a time, and wait for God's time. 

It was last summer, when I somehow found encouragement to start applying for pre-approval, tho I didn't put too much hope in it. However, we did get approved within the next 24 hours, for the amount that we were expecting. It was a green light for us to start with our house hunting. 

My husband, tirelessly, kept on checking on houses for sale, and at the same time learning about all areas in New Jersey - where I somehow set my heart in, ever since the beginning. We, thankfully, also found a great real estate broker, John Laico, who very patiently gave us tours and inputs for each houses we visited. I actually felt very bad for making him wait for us for 30 mins because of my miscalculation in our timing. And it didn't just happen once :( But he never once failed to give us his very best, even with a very last minute notice. I remembered we contacted him on Friday late afternoon before a long weekend, with a list of many houses we wanted to see on that following Saturday. And he responded so quickly with a YES. He was very understanding to our situation, because of the distance and our work schedules, Saturday was the only day we could do each week to see houses. 

After checking out about 6 houses a week for about 3 months, we then found this one, that both my husband and I love. It was not an easy task, tho at the beginning seemed kind of fun, but later on after seeing so many and didn't find anything, we both felt very exhausted and a bit discouraged. Because of our budget, many of those houses were not as we expected. Some needed lots of work, some had weird layout, some were not in a good location, some were too small, etc. We never thought we would find a house this quickly. As many said it would take about at least 6 months to find "the one".  

This was taken in front of our first house after we closed that day. Also first snow in NY/NJ area this winter. 

Some projects also needed to get done within a week before we moved in. We painted the bedrooms and the kitchen cabinets ourselves during the Thanksgiving week. It was a quite busy week for us having to get all the painting jobs done, packing our belongings, and work. As I could not take any day off from work, My husband, however, got 2 days off for the Thanksgiving and black Friday. I remember, I even got mandated to work double shift the day before the Thanksgiving for someone who happened to call out sick, and I had to cover for her. 

All in all, with God's grace, the moving went smoothly as it was planned. I sometimes still could not believe we already own a house now. There are many other things that we still have to do and learn along the way in this house, such as changing filters for the heater/AC, removing the carpet and installing hardwood floor on our bedroom, organizing our belongings,  and most importantly time management that I am still struggling to be able to manage this house well.

It is only thru His mercy and grace we are what we are right now. May God use us and this house to bring us and others around us closer to Him, to bring glory to Him, and Him alone.

Weekend Off at Bushkill Falls.

Everyone always looks forward to weekends, when they can spend time with their families or friends, or even just to laze around at home. However, it is very rare for me and my husband to have to same weekend off together because of our work. It is consider good enough if we can just have one same weekend off in a month, for sometimes we don't for three months or so. 

A couple weeks ago, when we both happened to be off, I caught cold. We could not go anywhere, and instead I just stayed at home, and laid on bed almost the whole day. I was so irritated since I had planned to go hiking that day. 

However, God is truly good. Hubby's last weekend job suddenly got cancelled. And it was my weekend off also from work, which means we both were free!!!!! 

I browsed around the internet and asked people for good place to go during just for a day trip. I love to go to places where I can enjoy the nature. Since it's already end of summer. Then we found this place in Bushkill, PA, where we can hike and also enjoy the waterfalls. Sounds great!! 

Saturday at 8 am, we woke up - can't do earlier than that since we both got home from work very late everyday.  We left the house by 9:30ish, and stopped by at DD in NJ on the way there for quick breakfast, then pumped gas at Costco when we about to reached PA, which all took us about an hour or so. We got to Bushkill around 12:30pm. And the weather, which was predicted to rain, turned out to be perfect. 

Here some pictures we took at Bushkill Falls, PA.

We chose the red trail - it was only 2.5 hours total.

Cool entrance to the trails. Don't you think?

Bushkill Falls is also known as the Niagara of Pennsylvania. There are supposed to be about 10 falls or so, if I am not mistaken. But I only saw 5. 

Bridal Veil Falls

Trying to take a selfie, but always failed

Second falls - The Bridesmaid Falls

Third falls - short but beautiful

The wooden trail along the river

Right outside of the entrance / exit, there is a maze. It's pretty fun to explore if you are not afraid to get lost. hehe.

Entrance to the maze

Hubby got lost. hahaha

We ended our trip with dinner at a Mongolian buffet. It is about 15 mins drive from Bushkill Falls. I first time tried Mongolian buffet in Utah or Colorado. (sorry, can't even remember exactly) And I had pretty good impression of it. The price was decent, and the food was good, if only you like noodles. However, this type of buffet is somehow no where to be found in NYC or nearby. So, when hubby saw this at YELP. we both got very excited. It was $12/person for lunch, and $15/person for dinner. 

If you don't know, Mongolian buffet is a buffet where you choose all ingredients  starting from the noodles, meat, veggies, and sauces, according to your likings. Then you bring them to the chef, and they will cook it right in front of you. 

It was such a blessed weekend for us. Hope we can have this kind of weekend more often. :)

...Lead Me to Calvary...

This phrase terrifies me. I am scared of hardships and difficulties. I am scared I won't be able to go thru them. I am afraid of pain and agony; if I won't be able to bear it. Therefore, when I hear this hymn "Lead Me To Calvary", my lips suddenly are sealed. My heart sinks. My hands and feet tremble. 

Is this the only way, Lord? I asked. 

Shouldn't Gospel be about joy? 

But why Calvary?

"This, in this way, the Lord replied....

This inward trial I employ,

from self and pride, to set you free;

and break your scheme of earthly joy, 

that you may find thy all in Me." - John Newton's prayer

May Your will be done in me according to Your purpose;

for You give life and will take away.

One thing God has spoken, 

two things have I heard;

that you, O God, are strong,

and that you, O lord, are loving. (Ps. 62:11-12)

Fun Facts About Me...

Inspired by Evita, I want to also share some facts about myself that I could think of so far...

1. I love food...but more importantly, I always prefer to have home-cook meals to eating out in fancy restaurants.... it is healthier, cleaner, and of course cheaper !:)
It is also probably because my family very rarely ate out while I was growing up. A very simple pan-fried veggie at home satisfies me more than a delicious chicken at a chinese restaurant. It may also because I love to have meals where I can relax myself without much distractions from my surrounding. So, this gives me motivation to learn how to cook ever since I came to the US. Honestly, I didn't even know how to make scrambled-eggs or even sunny side up back then. I always asked my younger brother to cook it for me if there was no food at home.

2. Some of my all time favorite foods are petai (stinky beans), bakso (indonesian beef ball soup), tempe, and noodles. Petai is a type of food which you either love it or hate it. I didn't like it back then in Indonesia. I only started to love it when I tried it here in US. However, when I first went back to Indonesia 11 years later, I found out the Indonesian petai is much, much, much better than the frozen petai they sell here. They are not just more fresh and crispier, but the smell is also different. Petai is just so addicting to me once I started to eat it. tho it does make the bathroom smells so bad for a couple of days...but thanks to air-fresheners... problem's solved!! ;)

3. Speaking about food, there must also be some drinks... I LOVE COFFEE!! Tho I am not one of those coffee addicts, since I am still trying to restrain myself unless I really need it. However, since I always have to wake up early for work everyday, I always have a cup every morning before I leave the house. And later on during the day, I sometimes have my second cup. Tho it is not-recommended, I really need it to keep me functioning. :)

4. My worst subject in school was English. Yes, ENGLISH!!!! I hated it so very much back then. I barely passed it every semester until I graduated from high school. And I never thought I would ever live in any place that uses English as their language, and forget about going to the US. It never came across my mind. Until the day after I finished my EBTANAS, my parents asked me to go to Surabaya to get a US visa. And from that moment, my life started to change.

5. My best subject in school was mathematics. I was not one of the smartest ones in my class. I was good in studying only in elementary school. When I got into junior high, I started to think, why do I study for? Many parents, including mine, used to say if you study well now and get good grades, later you could become rich like so and so. You  won't have to worry much about anything and work as hard as us (my parents). But I heard many people who did very well in school when they were young, had such an ordinary lives in their old age. Some of them even had to struggle more than others who were not that good in school before. My grades started to go down drastically. And I kept on pondering about this even after I graduated from college. I found out the answer much later, after left my "dream job". Back to the topic... So, while I always on the passing level on all of the subjects, but I somehow managed to get at least an 8 in my math every time. I don't know why I like math. I just remembered when I was in the first grade of elementary school, where we were only learning 1+1=2, I looked at my older brother's math notebook, and found myself so amazed at geometry that he was learning. I remember starring at the 3-dimension cube in his note for a long time, with all the little numbers written all over it. Certainly, none of them I understood. But I thought it was so cool.

6. I love reading romance novels when I was in junior high / high school. And of course, in Indonesian. My favorite author was Marga T. Many people told me that Mira W. 's novels were better, but after reading one of her novels, I still like Marga T. more. My favorite ones were Sepagi Itu Kita Berpisah (2 books), Namamu Terukir di Hatiku ,  Badai Pasti Berlalu. I read them over and over again, since my mother didn't let me buy new ones, and the book rental place nearby where I lived also didn't have many of her novels.  I used to buy them around Rp.5000 each back then, using my pocket money. And once I started reading, I somehow could not be disturbed with anything. My mother got very irritated with this and threatened me that she would burn all my novels if I kept being like that. And of course, once I came to the US, I couldn't read any Marga T. novels anymore. And tried to read English ones instead. But as I mentioned before, because I hated English, I wasn't so attracted into reading anymore. The only English novel I liked to read was The Godfather.

7. Of course, as a normal kid, I also love reading mangas. But unlike many other girls I know whose favorite were some of girly mangas, such as 'mira-chan" or whatever...sorry, I can't even remember any.... my favorite manga was DRAGON BALL!!! hahahaha.... yup!! It could be the result of growing up with 2 brothers, and no sisters in the family... :P

8.  I love thrifting!!! Yes, I could stay for hours in a thrift shop, digging into their old collections of kitchenware, clothing, shoes, etc. And I was always so thrilled when I found something great quality in great condition with such a great deal. I have bought 4 pairs of shoes from thrift stores that costed only about $12/each. And guess what.... 3 of them were perfectly new! Only 1 of them were worn, but still in good shape. Each of them originally cost at least $50 (if on-sale in store). I also bought a pair of winter pants which were originally cost $700 in store, but I only paid $7....hehehe... :)

9. I am not a positive thinker. I tend to always think of the worst situation that could happen, and prepare my  mind for it. We can only do the best we can, and let God take care the rest. Right?! :)

10. I am not an animal lover. Although I always had a dog / cat at home when in Indonesia, I don't like being touched by any animal. Weird, huh?!

11. I don't like korean / chinese dramas. You all are probably going to laugh at me because the only chinese dramas I like was Huan Zhu Ge Ge. I don't like Meteor Garden that was such a big hit in all Asia back then. And the last Korean drama that's stuck in my mind is Full House. Other that those, I usually only looked at the actors/actresses when watching those kind of dramas, and don't care about their stories. No offense to those Asian drama lovers, but I find lots of their stories are pretty boring.

12. I love to sleep at the beach, under the sun. I first experienced it in Pulau Payar, Malaysia. The sound of water, the warmth of the sun, the the birds flying in the sky....these make me feel like I am in heaven. :)

13. I am pretty tomboy. When I was little, I used to have a boyish hair cut. I really didn't like it because many people mistakenly thought I was a boy. But because my mother was the one who decided what kind of style I could have, I really had no other choice, besides frowning every time I got a haircut.

14. I listen to classical music on the road because classical music makes my heart and soul rest.

15. I love watching operas and broadway shows. But of course I can't watch too often due to the ticket price. My first broadway show I watched was Mary Poppins. My husband treated me back then when we were still just friends on Valentine's day. :)

16. I love bridges. My dream home is one near the water with the view of a bridge. I also would love to have a small bridge built over a pond in my backyard, if God allows us to have a big house. :)

17. On my wedding, I made my own wedding cake, all hand bouquets for myself and the bridesmaids, boutonniere for my husband, and drove myself from the salon to the church, then going home.... I am proud of myself.... finally could have a wedding tho with very tight budget.... hehe :)

18. I always bring my old iphone 5 with me to the bathroom while doing my 'big business' hahahaha.... yea...checking my instagram...or watching youtube videos.... :P

19. My role model is Mother Teresa. Tho I converted to Christianity, somehow I still admire Mother Teresa more than any Christian preacher I know.

That's all I have for now.... :))

Criticizing

Yesterday, during the Sunday service, my pastor, D.B., preached on the subject of Reconciled and at Peace, which based on Romans 3-21-31.

He agreeably quoted someone's statement (which I couldn't catch who). He said that the opposite of anger is not love, but hatred. I couldn't understand this statement. But I don't think it's true.

A while back, my other pastor, Tim Keller, also touched about love and hatred. He told us that the opposite of love is not hatred, but indifference. I couldn't agree more to that statement, for often in anger and hatred consist love. But in indifference, you practically don't really care.

This made me criticize my pastor, D.B., who I don't think give the right understanding to the congregations.

Frankly speaking, I criticize people a lot. What I mean "a lot" is A LOT! You may say, I criticize every single person I meet. Negative or positive? Mostly negatives. Do I enjoy it? I couldn't say "yes", for often, these thoughts bother me a lot and hold me back from loving them, which cause grief instead of joy in me. Could it be that my criticisms are caused by my jealousy and self-righteousness?

A long time ago, I remember a friend of mine said, "If you criticize someone's fault, you also have that fault in yourself."

I asked my husband if he agrees. At first he said, "Sometimes", and he continued on saying, "For most people, at most of the time, it's true." It means, at some cases, when someone criticize others, that person don't have that faults in him/her, which is very rare.

So, what should I do? Should I not criticize at all then? Just like lots of people like to say, "Don't judge, or you'll also be judged." But that's is very lame. I strongly disagree when people say that. Because it means, no one is guilty. If no one is guilty, then there is no justice. If there is no justice, then there is no right or wrong. If there is no right or wrong, then there is no hope. If there is no hope, then everyone ends in despair. (D.B.)

Therefore, it is not wrong to criticize. However, there is only one right way to do when we criticize... Be forgiving to others, yet be strict to yourself.