Hi Diary!
I don't know how I should start... You know that everytime I come to you, then there is something inside my heart that I want to let out but I can't. Yea, I am dwelling with my own feeling right now... it's probably because I am having my regular monthly "guest".... which makes me feel more sensitive. I always have a hard time fighting with this feeling. I got irritated with people a lot... got angry very easily... became very selfish... and the only thing I could do is having to isolate myself from anyone... I am afraid that I couldn't have control over myself and will hurt anyone else's feeling by my words or behavior... How should I overcome with this kind of feeling? Reading books? checking on facebook? watching movies? listening to music? cleaning the house? praying? go shopping? or sleep?? Maybe sleeping is the best way of all .... but do I need to sleep for one whole day? Hm... how I wish I could always be happy? or at least show a happy face at all time regardless how I really feel... I want to be able to not let anyone know that I'm in a bad mood, tired, or unhappy.
I guess the answer to my situation is to always BE GRATEFUL in any situation. Thank you Diary for helping me to sort out this feeling. I know it's not easy to do... slowly but surely I definitely will be able to have good control over my emotion. I'll do something that make myself feel happy... and be pretty! You know what it is! ;)
Change
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Dear Diary,
It's my first time here in the morning. I have decided last night that I want to change! I would like to start pursuing my dream again after my 2 months off. So, this is my daily plan starting today:
1. Get up from bed by 9am the latest.
2. Read Bible every morning
3. Exercise
4. Look for job
5. Study for my exam
6. Do some house chores
7. Some refreshing (only after 9pm and 1 hr max during the day)
8. Read books, instead of facebook-ing
9. Pray, instead of wondering around or watching dramas
I might add more later, but those are the main things that I have to keep up with for now.
Gan-ba-te!! :)
It's my first time here in the morning. I have decided last night that I want to change! I would like to start pursuing my dream again after my 2 months off. So, this is my daily plan starting today:
1. Get up from bed by 9am the latest.
2. Read Bible every morning
3. Exercise
4. Look for job
5. Study for my exam
6. Do some house chores
7. Some refreshing (only after 9pm and 1 hr max during the day)
8. Read books, instead of facebook-ing
9. Pray, instead of wondering around or watching dramas
I might add more later, but those are the main things that I have to keep up with for now.
Gan-ba-te!! :)
Brother, I love you
Friday, May 15, 2009
Dear Diary,
It's now 12:45am. It's supposedly time for me to sleep, but this hard feeling has been bothering me so much today. I am so irritated recently by my brother's action and words. When I am down and need his support (since he's the only family I have here), he seems to be looking down on me; when I try to express my feeling and thoughts, he never really cares or even becomes judgmental; when I am sad, instead of comforts, there are only blames that I get from him. I don't even know what the problem is. Is it me? or is it him?
When I was in grade school, I used to be proud of my elder brother. I used to think that he was a brother who would protect me and be by my side whenever troubles came to me. But ever since I started to live with him alone, that "great" image of a brother had gradually faded away, and became worst when he started using violence every single time we argued. This feeling has brought a negative impact on me, which completely changed my behavior towards him as well; the way I speak and act to him have become loud and rude. Is it a revenge? an adaptation? or am I just trying to be self protective? Even though our relationship had got better since I moved out and got a job, I still couldn't respect him as I used to. What should I do? I really want to stop being rebellious, especially now that he's getting married. But it's never been easy for me to live and deal with him.
Although I'm really fed up with him and can't wait till he got married, it certainly will be lonely without having him around.
*Brother, hope you forgive me for always being discourteous. My prayer for you that you will always be happy and successful in your life. I love you!
It's now 12:45am. It's supposedly time for me to sleep, but this hard feeling has been bothering me so much today. I am so irritated recently by my brother's action and words. When I am down and need his support (since he's the only family I have here), he seems to be looking down on me; when I try to express my feeling and thoughts, he never really cares or even becomes judgmental; when I am sad, instead of comforts, there are only blames that I get from him. I don't even know what the problem is. Is it me? or is it him?
When I was in grade school, I used to be proud of my elder brother. I used to think that he was a brother who would protect me and be by my side whenever troubles came to me. But ever since I started to live with him alone, that "great" image of a brother had gradually faded away, and became worst when he started using violence every single time we argued. This feeling has brought a negative impact on me, which completely changed my behavior towards him as well; the way I speak and act to him have become loud and rude. Is it a revenge? an adaptation? or am I just trying to be self protective? Even though our relationship had got better since I moved out and got a job, I still couldn't respect him as I used to. What should I do? I really want to stop being rebellious, especially now that he's getting married. But it's never been easy for me to live and deal with him.
Although I'm really fed up with him and can't wait till he got married, it certainly will be lonely without having him around.
*Brother, hope you forgive me for always being discourteous. My prayer for you that you will always be happy and successful in your life. I love you!
My Future
Friday, April 17, 2009
Diary,
I am just thinking what I would be like 50 years from today. I feel scared whenever I think about my future. No! I shouldn't be scared. I should face the reality. It is still not too late if I want to change for a better future. It is still not too late for me to be able to grab my future happiness. To live what I want to be. Ya, I am just trying to think positively here. I don't want to put myself in a dark spot, where no one would be able to see me. I want to live with a very bright future with lots of people around me.
I want to get married to someone who truly loves me as I love him. I want to feel to be loved by the one that I love, besides my parents and brothers. Not a one-sided love. But when will it come? 1 year, 2 years, 5 years?
I am just thinking what I would be like 50 years from today. I feel scared whenever I think about my future. No! I shouldn't be scared. I should face the reality. It is still not too late if I want to change for a better future. It is still not too late for me to be able to grab my future happiness. To live what I want to be. Ya, I am just trying to think positively here. I don't want to put myself in a dark spot, where no one would be able to see me. I want to live with a very bright future with lots of people around me.
I want to get married to someone who truly loves me as I love him. I want to feel to be loved by the one that I love, besides my parents and brothers. Not a one-sided love. But when will it come? 1 year, 2 years, 5 years?
Poem
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Dear Diary,
I was watching a korean drama series, Wedding, and there was a very nice poem that I want you to keep it for me for now... cuz I want to say it one day to the person that I truly love ^___^
When the sunlight touches the ground, I miss you
When the shadow of the moonlight slowly climbs up, I miss you
When the dust finally settles down, I would see you
Meeting in the deep night, I still can see your shadow
When the waves crash, I hear your voice
As everyone falls asleep in the midst of quiet forest, I hear your voice
No matter how far, I would be by your side
You would be by my side when the sun sets and the star shines
Ah, if only you are by my side
Isn't it nice??? When I found this, I was actually thinking of someone, hoping that he would be thinking about me, too (hehe... (^_^)). But this movie really gives me some strength. As a girl, although according to the culture I grew up with, I shouldn't really approach a guy first, but from this series, I learn a different side of how to build a relationship. Regardless the gender, we shouldn't give up in love. Honesty and sincerity are the key points in it.
I was watching a korean drama series, Wedding, and there was a very nice poem that I want you to keep it for me for now... cuz I want to say it one day to the person that I truly love ^___^
When the sunlight touches the ground, I miss you
When the shadow of the moonlight slowly climbs up, I miss you
When the dust finally settles down, I would see you
Meeting in the deep night, I still can see your shadow
When the waves crash, I hear your voice
As everyone falls asleep in the midst of quiet forest, I hear your voice
No matter how far, I would be by your side
You would be by my side when the sun sets and the star shines
Ah, if only you are by my side
Isn't it nice??? When I found this, I was actually thinking of someone, hoping that he would be thinking about me, too (hehe... (^_^)). But this movie really gives me some strength. As a girl, although according to the culture I grew up with, I shouldn't really approach a guy first, but from this series, I learn a different side of how to build a relationship. Regardless the gender, we shouldn't give up in love. Honesty and sincerity are the key points in it.
(: My First Niece :)
Saturday, January 31, 2009
Celine is my younger brother's daughter. She's 4 months old now. Even though I have never seen her yet, I've already fell in love with her. Looking at her pictures always makes me smile.
I love you, Celine! :)
My Birthday
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Dear Diary,
My birthday has passed a couple days ago. However, I just got the chance to to share it with you today. Anyways, it was kind of quiet, since no one was really around that time. My brother himself had to go on business trip, and a close friend of mine had family gathering. So, a day prior to my b'day, I went to dinner after work with a friend I know from college. We went to one of Japanese restaurants that my friend recommended a little while ago. It was a real nice place. The food was a little pricey, but it was really good. So yea, I enjoyed both his company and the food itself. Also, the weather that day wasn't terrible - it was around 33F, which I thought was pretty okay for winter this year, compared to 4F on the day before.
On the next day, which was my actual birthday, I spent most of the day at my friend's house whose daughter's birthday happens to be very close to mine. We didn't do much stuff, just chatting and playing with the baby, basically. But I had fun. :)
Sorry if this story is a little boring. But to tell the truth, I am grateful to still have everyone I love with me, although we are far apart from each other. I believe one day I will be able to celebrate it with them all at one! :)
My birthday has passed a couple days ago. However, I just got the chance to to share it with you today. Anyways, it was kind of quiet, since no one was really around that time. My brother himself had to go on business trip, and a close friend of mine had family gathering. So, a day prior to my b'day, I went to dinner after work with a friend I know from college. We went to one of Japanese restaurants that my friend recommended a little while ago. It was a real nice place. The food was a little pricey, but it was really good. So yea, I enjoyed both his company and the food itself. Also, the weather that day wasn't terrible - it was around 33F, which I thought was pretty okay for winter this year, compared to 4F on the day before.
On the next day, which was my actual birthday, I spent most of the day at my friend's house whose daughter's birthday happens to be very close to mine. We didn't do much stuff, just chatting and playing with the baby, basically. But I had fun. :)
Sorry if this story is a little boring. But to tell the truth, I am grateful to still have everyone I love with me, although we are far apart from each other. I believe one day I will be able to celebrate it with them all at one! :)
Sunday, January 18, 2009
Dear Diary,
It's been awhile since I first wrote my first and only entry here. So, here I decided to write a little bit today, since I'm having a long weekend and want to share some of my feeling and thought with you today.
Although it is probably a little too late to talk about new year, but I haven't written any since then, so I'd like to write a couple of sentences about it. Every new year feels like a new beginning to me, and this new year especially. I am not quite sure what it's a beginning of, but I think there are many things that I would like to pursue this year. Hopefully I will be able to accomplish some of them by the end of the year. I am trying to keep up with my positive attitudes regardless the unstable economy condition. Because I am sure that great things will always there waiting for me no matter what state I am in now, as long as I always have faith in myself and in God specially. I believe that He will never let me fall and suffer alone.
Diary, my birthday is coming soon. Last year's birthday was very quiet, but that's what I wanted to be. I intentionally didn't invite any friend to come out to celebrate with me, even some of them are actually very nice and insisting to bring me out to get some few drinks. But I decided to stay home instead, and not to do anything. I probably just wanted to have a moment of reflection of what I had succeeded and failed, then tried to set up a new goal for my next 1 year. But for this coming birthday, I want it to be a little different, tho I don't have any clue or plan for it yet.
Maybe I would go out to have a moment with some friends, since my brother will be out of town for work. I will let you know later once it comes and how it goes. :)
Good night, Diary! :)
It's been awhile since I first wrote my first and only entry here. So, here I decided to write a little bit today, since I'm having a long weekend and want to share some of my feeling and thought with you today.
Although it is probably a little too late to talk about new year, but I haven't written any since then, so I'd like to write a couple of sentences about it. Every new year feels like a new beginning to me, and this new year especially. I am not quite sure what it's a beginning of, but I think there are many things that I would like to pursue this year. Hopefully I will be able to accomplish some of them by the end of the year. I am trying to keep up with my positive attitudes regardless the unstable economy condition. Because I am sure that great things will always there waiting for me no matter what state I am in now, as long as I always have faith in myself and in God specially. I believe that He will never let me fall and suffer alone.
Diary, my birthday is coming soon. Last year's birthday was very quiet, but that's what I wanted to be. I intentionally didn't invite any friend to come out to celebrate with me, even some of them are actually very nice and insisting to bring me out to get some few drinks. But I decided to stay home instead, and not to do anything. I probably just wanted to have a moment of reflection of what I had succeeded and failed, then tried to set up a new goal for my next 1 year. But for this coming birthday, I want it to be a little different, tho I don't have any clue or plan for it yet.
Maybe I would go out to have a moment with some friends, since my brother will be out of town for work. I will let you know later once it comes and how it goes. :)
Good night, Diary! :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
