Dear Diary,

Did you miss me these past several months? I should have write more often. But as you know, I am not a good writer, and I feel embarrassed when someone reads my writing. On top of that, it is probably my laziness that I should overcome.

Diary, I don't know what I should do right now. There is someone that I have admired these past few years, who suddenly seems to dislike me for some reason I do not understand. She is the one who taught me to love God with all my heart, my soul, my mind, and my strength, and love my neighbors (brothers/sisters) as I love myself. I have been trying to not let this feeling bother me by just acting normal as usual to her. But I feel our relationship, without any conversation between us since 9/4, have become very cool. I do not want to remember things she did that I did not like. Instead, I always want to remember the words she said back then, when we just started getting closer. It was on Dec 23, 2009, when we are going caroling, she said to me, "... that I treat you as my own daughter." I could not even say a word. But deep inside my heart, I thank God for having met her.

However, things are a little different now. Yes, it is 2010, not 2009 anymore, and soon it will be 2011. However, my past have brought me to this present. Hm... what is it related to my feeling towards her? That feeling changes as time goes on?? True! Nothing can ever stay the same, including feeling. But it is our choice to choose which way we want it to go, and we should manage it wisely to how we want it to be. Okay, now let's think how I should manage this feeling. I want this relationship to be better in the future, which we would be able to communicate better, and love each other.

So,
1. If she stays quiet
A: stay quiet
B: be more proactive towards her
My choice: A; I guess stay quiet is better; and safer too.

2. If she does something that bothers me
A: confront her, and try to talk to her nicely
B: leave her alone, let her think whatever she wants, and let it go.
My choice: B; leave her alone, and let it go. Basically, I should just stay quiet.

3. If she confronts me, and tell me something I don't think is right.
A: tell her my point of view
B: keep quiet, and not to argue with her. After all, she is the one who's wiser.
My choice: (I have to think about this carefully.) I usually just keep quiet, and judge her according to my point of view, which might not be right, and could bring us to a worse relationship. So, I think I have to tell her my point of view, in a VERY careful way. So, it A.

OK. I think it's enough thought. It's now time for food!!

Thank you, Diary!