"I don't care."

That words have become very popular in this modern era. I heard so many people say it so many times. It's even become inspiration for song writers. At first, it may sound very casual, or even cool in everyday conversation. It might give a brief impression to others of a person's openhearted being. But when I think about it further, I wonder why people like to say that. It is definitely not a pleasant words to say / hear. 

I truly hate those words. It shows selfishness, pride, fake, hatred. Yet, it is impossible to avoid hearing it in everyday life. It has become so casual for people to say it. How then should I react whenever it is spoken to my ear? It sounds very harsh and hurtful. Yet, very often I get tongue-tied when someone says those words to me. 

"I don't care." or "Who cares?" often being said when there is no solution found in the discussion / situation, and just want to avoid any problem. 
      We surely cannot care for every single little things that come into our lives. And there are things that we always have to prioritize. Also one person's priorities will never be the same with other's. Moreover, when two or more priorities meet from different individuals, that is the time when one priority must be chosen above others. However, this challenge often becomes so crucial that blinds us to see the bigger picture / situation for overly too focus on our own's. And more often than not, the majority prefers to avoid than to face it. They might, on the surface, agree to the RIGHT one, and take it with a grumbling heart, which leads to self-righteousness, or a complete "don't care". But very few are willing to carry it on with the joy of liberty.

It is usually said by those who like to have the last words in the conversation. 
      Pride is the root of the problem in this situation. However, nowadays, people are really proud of their prides, and even willing to do anything to protect them. It could be the jobs, children, even other's approvals / "love", etc.

It shows the person is actually being judgmental, which of course not in the positive way.
      "I don't care." in this situation is very similar with the saying "Don't judge or you will be judged." or "Only God can judge.", which lead people just tend to live to achieve what is so called "world peace". Peace is indeed a beautiful thing that everyone wants to have. However, we often don't understand, and just live in ignorance, assuming that by this everyone would be as happy. Basically, it is like "you don't bother me, I don't bother you." kind of principle. But is there really anyone who can live that way? Is that self-happiness really achievable?

Deep inside their hearts, they actually do care.

*Inspired by Toniann Palumbo

Bear Mountain Trip

A couple of days ago, for hubby's birthday, we finally got to go to Bear Mountain to hike. Our original plan wasn't to hike though. We were just going to drive to the top of the mountain to see the scenery. However, the road to the tower was closed (Perkins Memorial dr.) due to the weather. So, while my husband was trying to look for an alternative through his cell phone, I decided to follow a car in front of me which happened to stop when seeing the road was closed, and then drove away further down. I was hoping there would be another road to go up there. But after another 5 mins drive, we didn't find anything but the huge parking lot for people who wants to hike (parking fee : $8).

That day was very cloudy, with 50% chance of rain after 2pm. We got there around 11am. We thought to just go home (or just go to the mall nearby... mall again... mall again... :p) once we saw the road was closed, and come back another day. My thought that made me just want to go home were:
1. No plan for hiking
2. Weather didn't seem to be cooperating. It looked like it would be pouring at anytime.
3. According to the lady who works there, it would take 3 to 4 hours round trip to hike to the top.
4. I was not into hiking at all (main reason ... *grin*)

However, after driving in and out of the parking lot area several times, and with further consideration, we decided to take the chance to hike despite of the possibility of getting soaked (and without preparing any spare clothes... I guess we could just easily buy new ones in the mall if we really need it later). Main reason was that I would like to make my husband especially happy that day. And I know he loves to hike!! After all, we just wanted to enjoy the nature, weather or not it rains, it shouldn't make any differences.

So, here we go. After grabbing some snacks and water, we snapped some pictures, and started our journey. It was my second time hiking after my first in Canada, last year.

The start of Bear Mountain journey

The hiking was not difficult at all, mostly steps. So it really trains our knees. Our first stop, was one third of the journey, which we reached in a little bit less than 30 mins.  From there, we already could see a breath-taking view of the mountains, the lake, and the Bear Mountain Bridge. We rested there for a little bit to enjoy the scenery, the snacks and had a zip of water we brought. A big mistake I made, I only brought one bottle of water to hike, where I had 2 more in the car. My husband always refused to drink whenever I offered him. He kept on saying that he wasn't thirsty at all, and could drink later when we get back down. I think he's just afraid I wouldn't have enough to drink until we come back, and restrained himself from drinking. (*_*")

The view after one third of the journey

After another 30 mins hike, we reached almost the top of the mountain. However, suddenly the cloud was turning very dark, so I asked my husband we could just go back down, though he insisted that we only had around 5 more mins to reach the tower. There were 2 roads that we passed through in the middle, where we took some more pictures and rested.

After 1/3 and 4/5 of the journey

Once we are back down, my husband brought me to the lake, as he first just wanted to sit by the water. However, since there was a boat rental boot, we rented one of the row boats instead of the peddling one. We rowed for about 45 mins, which they charged only for 30 mins, presumably for the weather condition. There were short rains a couple of times while we were on the boat.

The boat rental was $5/person for 30 mins or $8/person for 1 hour, plus $20 deposit to be returned when we are back.

Hello!! :) My MIL said that she could see the very happy face of my husband here. ^___^

I was extremely happy that we finally hiked and even rowed a boat on the lake, in spite of the rain. Though I was not into hiking, but the time we had together at that moment was one of the happiest I will aa)lways cherish. Indeed, "it is through giving that we are receiving" (Mother Teresa).

Happy Birthday, Dear! Wish you millions and millions of happiness throughout your life. :))

In The Midst of Turmoil

I complained a lot. The more I complain, the worse I feel. Because the more I feel "right" and the other is "wrong", yet it didn't make the situation any better.

I came home from work, talked to my husband. I told my husband,  why God didn't let me feel His Love while I prayed this morning in the middle of the problem I was facing.  I felt I was like falling into a deep pit, and while I was trying to get myself out of there (by praying), I was even pushed deeper into it.

During my morning devotion, I tried to find God's face in my prayer, but I couldn't. As my husband told me, the way I am thinking at this time is, it is God who owes me something, not me who owes God. (very true and direct confrontation that I must admit and repent *_*) However, I failed, again and again. I ended my prayer with questions to God, "If You really exist, bring me to your joy in this midst of turmoil".

Later on in the day, as I was thinking about it again, I realized God has been giving me so much blessings recently... so much that I just took it all for granted....my husband who always loves me unconditionally, my families and friends out there, food and water to satisfy my physical hunger and thirst whenever wherever, the car I drive, all these great electronic devices I could enjoy... and not to forget this job itself and everything in it, which I am constantly having problems with. These are probably nothing for many other people...for almost everyone I know have what I have, even better ones. But what about to those that I do not know? (Wait, am I thinking too mellow?) It is not unrealistic, yet I rarely care for those people who are in much more in need than me :(. And just a little struggle has made me lose my senses, and ask God to get me out of the trouble with His so called "great miracle Love". What a spoiled little brat I am!!

It reminds me of back in the old days. When I was around 6 or 7 years old, my parents brought me to Bengawan Solo River. In the middle when we were walking towards the river, my father suddenly got trapped and fell into a deep pit with full of mud. I was crying as I was watching both of my parents were struggling in that critical moment. Thankfully, with the help of my mother, my father was able to get out of it safely.  Later on my mother told me, that in that kind of situation, do not move! Because the more you move, the deeper you will get into the pit. This also reminds me of a Sunday sermon by my pastor, Tim Keller, that whenever we face a challenge, STAY PUT!

Lord, Heavenly Father, thank You. I was blind, but now I see. Thank you for Your forgiveness of my shortcomings. Guide me to believe fully in You, to submit to You, though I do not yet see You. Guide me to love You, Lord, to sincerely seek You, and not Your blessings, and to overcome this fear and anger...

Teach me to follow Your decrees, then I will keep them to the end. 
Give me understandings that I will keep Your law and obey it with all my heart. 
Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. 
Turn my heart toward Your statutes, and not toward selfish gain. 
Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word. 
Fulfill Your promise to Your servant, so that you may be feared. 
Take away the disgrace I dread, for your laws are good. 
How I long for your precepts. Preserve my life in Your righteousness. 

(Psalms 119 : 33-40, NIV)

Weekend Getaway

My husband and I are rarely to have the same days off, even on weekends. So when we have the same weekend off, I get excited to use the opportunity to spend time together with him doing something different. Our plan was to go somewhere where we both could enjoy and relax. Our choices that came across our mind were either going to a beach, hiking at Bear Mountain, walking on Brooklyn Bridge or going to a theater. We tried to think about it since the beginning of the week. Besides I really want to enjoy this summer after the frigid winter at the beginning of this year.

So, my husband started to look into some places for our weekend getaway. For the beach, we wanted to go to Montauk. However it would be about one and a half hour drive and we were not sure if we could wake up early enough to go and spend some time there before sun goes down, as I was thinking that I needed to prepare food and all the beach necessities, which prolly not that necessary to think too much about.  So, Montauk beach.

Secondly, hiking was a bit problem for me too. My work requires me to run around all the time for 7 hours a day, 5 days a week. So, I was looking for somewhere I could sit and stretch my legs. So, I told my husband to go there some other day. Bear Mountain hiking.

Similar reason for Bklyn bridge walk. Plus it might be raining. Brooklyn Bridge.

For teather, there wasn't any movie that we were very interested to watch that weekend. Teather.

So what now? I just realized it as I am writing this diary that I am such a difficult wife. It was always me to approve or disapprove where to go or what to do. I should learn to enjoy this life more, anywhere, anytime.

Anyhow, after my husband searching for places nearby that we had not yet gone, he then found that there was a new mall opened on Lower East Side, by the West Side Highway, where they also had a very beautiful food court with view of the Hudson River and many varieties of food. It is called Brookfield Place. So, as someone who loves to shop and eat, I immediately say 'lets's go' when my husband mentioned about it ;p

Brookfield Place

However, when we got there, we found out that the mall wasn't yet opened. It was only the food court that is currently accessible...(good enough....at least I got to eat.. :)) and I also like it even better as it wasn't that crowded yet. It is really a great place to chill out, in-door and out-door. The entrance lounge has tropical theme design with huge palm trees, which I adore. And according to the website, I think they will build an ice skating rink right outside of the entry way. What a combination of winter and summer! The food price was  pretty affordable, as we observed. At that time, we only got a chance to try a delicious fancy cupcake from one of the vendors, the Sprinkles. But I would definitely love to check it out again once the stores are opened.

Sprinkles' peanut butter cupcake

Thank you, Dear, for bringing me here <3 comment-3--="" nbsp="">